The Ugly Ambitious Procrastinator

I am drowning. I am drowning. I am drowning inside a vast ocean. Then, I woke up immediately, realizing all of it was just a dream. I am relieved. I rose up from my bed and proceeded to the fridge to get some cold water.

A light is flashing in my face. It is already morning. I checked the wall clock and it said 10 am. I said to myself “I always wake up late and do nothing. I am really a lazy and irresponsible teenager”. I went to the bathroom to freshen up. I watched myself in the mirror and said to myself “who are you before? What are you now?” After cleansing, I wore some comfy clothes.

My parents are away, visiting some of my relatives. My brothers are abroad, fulfilling their dreams as seafarers. I am alone in the house so I am preparing food myself. More like a brunch, combined breakfast and lunch.

As I sip my cup of milk, I watch over the sea, trees and mountains. These elements are the view of our residence as it is situated on top of the hills. After my so called- “brunch”, I grabbed my laptop and went to the table in the corridor outside of our house.

See? As you can observe, this is the typical life of a Gen Z teenager.

I opened my laptop and turned on the internet. News is popping out on my screen. Most of it are about Covid-19, financial stability, and cash assistance.

I breathed heavily and said to myself. “What is happening to the once so beautiful Earth?”. I am taking an online class as face-to-face sessions are banned due to the harm of the virus. I answered some tasks and attended synchronous sessions even if some of them are very boring.

After all that academic stuff, I turned off my laptop, took it, and went back inside the house. I laid on the couch and stared at the ceiling for no reason. I reflected everything back to the normal days of life.

I was once an achiever at school, but I was always bullied due to my physical appearance and social status. That is why I only had very few close friends.

Contrary to what they believe, I do not care about everything they mumble about me. My spirit annoys their demons. Despite all the negativity, I survived and became respected. I handled all the criticisms. Basically, criticism is a double-edged sword because it brings positive and negative effects. In my own experience as a child, student, and friend, criticism is an optimistic factor for me. It helps me improve myself and correct my mistakes. I can deal in both positive and negative criticism because I believe it can help me become the best version of myself. I turn these criticisms not as a burden but an inspiration to being a law-abiding and God-fearing citizen.

Back to the real world, when Covid-19 entered, all of my passion was torn away. This is what I am now. An ugly procrastinator. My parents want me to become any of the four: doctor, pilot, lawyer, or engineer.

Here is my little secret. I want to graduate with seven professions. I want to become a doctor, pilot, lawyer, engineer, soldier, teacher, and journalist. What an ambitious boy I am.

My family and classmates see me as an intelligent person, but the truth is, I am not. I only became an honor student because most of our tasks back from the normal time were group activities. I even get bad grades in Science, Mathematics, and English.

Yet, I want to achieve those seven. It is a paradox, isn’t it? Truly, I am an ugly, ambitious, procrastinator.

I did not notice but I slept already. There I had a dream again. It was the weirdest of them all. There was an alien ship above our house, the Titanic bumped in our gate, and my dog is riding a Lamborghini. Weird right? Hehe.

I woke up again and it was already 6 pm. I wish that someday everything will go back to normal. But since we are in this era, we have no choice but to embrace the new normal.

I promised to myself that I will always see the good things from the bad things happening around. As what they say, if life gives you lemons, make a lemonade.

I brought back my old self and did my best in my studies despite the challenges in an online setting. I managed to get good grades but I know that I can do something better than this. I want to overcome myself.

Here is my note to everyone, we are in the same situation. It is just in different forms. Your greatest enemy is not other people but yourself. You have to defeat all your weaknesses as this is the best way to achieve anything in life.

As for me, I am still not sure that I can become a doctor…. ughh it's too long. You know what I mean hehe. But who knows.

As they say, if there is a will, there is always a way. Along with perseverance and prayer to God. Everything is possible.

But for now, I am an ugly, ambitious procrastinator.

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